Teenagers are moody, private, and hard to read – but how can you tell when it’s more than just growing pains?
If your teen is suddenly distant, skipping school, or shutting down emotionally, is it just hormones and independence… or something more serious?
That grey area is exactly where bullying often hides. And according to safeguarding specialist Steven Britton who runs maths tutoring service Top Grade Tutoring, parents need to stay alert, because while teenage angst is normal, emotional distress caused by bullying is not.
Steven, who’s certified in youth mental health first aid and specialises in supporting young people with low confidence, anxiety, and self-esteem issues, says many parents miss the signs until things have already escalated.
“Once kids become teenagers, there’s a natural shift. They want more privacy, they test boundaries, they become less open. That’s normal. But that same shift makes it harder for parents to spot when something isn’t normal. If your child starts withdrawing or avoiding certain people or places, it’s worth asking why – because bullying often hides behind what looks like typical teen behaviour. And if you dismiss it as just moodiness, you could miss the chance to intervene before it really affects their mental health.”
So how can parents tell the difference? Steven breaks it down:
1) They avoid specific people or places
And while teens can get real illnesses, bullying-related symptoms often have no clear medical cause and come with emotional cues like irritability or tearfulness.
Top tip:
Don’t dismiss it. Keep a log of symptoms and when they appear – if they line up with known school pressures, there’s a bigger picture worth exploring.
2) They’ve had a drop in academic performance or engagement
A sudden dip in grades, loss of focus, or apathy about things they once enjoyed could be a sign they’re emotionally overwhelmed. Bullying affects self-esteem and motivation – it’s hard to care about French homework when you’re dreading lunchtime.
If they’re missing deadlines or their teachers have flagged concern, consider what else might be happening.
Top tip:
Check in with teachers – not just about grades, but about classroom behaviour and peer interactions. They often spot social issues before students ever bring them up at home.
They’re pulling away from old friendships
Friendship shifts are normal, but total social withdrawal is not. If your teen has dropped their usual mates, stopped texting or calling, and avoids talking about friends altogether, that’s a clue something isn’t right.
Bullying sometimes comes from inside the friend group – masked as banter, sarcasm, or “just a laugh.” Teens may dismiss it to protect their social status, even if it’s hurting them.
Top tip:
Ask indirect questions like, “Are you still chatting to [friend’s name]?” or “What do you like about your current group?” Their answers can tell you more than you think.
“One of the hardest things for teens is identifying bullying when it’s disguised as friendship. They’ll say, ‘It’s just banter,’ or ‘We always mess around like that,’ but if someone is consistently being made the punchline, and it makes them feel small or anxious, that’s not friendship. That’s manipulation. Parents need to tread carefully – not by calling it bullying right away, but by helping their child recognise when something doesn’t feel right. Reflecting back what they’ve said, without labelling it, can help them connect the dots themselves.”
If you’re concerned about your child but they’re hesitant to talk or don’t trust school staff, Steven recommends small, non-invasive steps: keeping communication open, offering to speak on their behalf, or helping them connect with a counsellor, trusted adult, or confidential helpline like Childline (0800 1111).
Steven is available for further comment and media interviews.
